


Wasted Times

by lionwolves



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Beautiful Golden Fools, Drabble, Episode: s08e4 The Last of the Starks, F/M, Sibling Incest, Song: Wasted Times by the Weeknd, Songfic, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21679561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionwolves/pseuds/lionwolves
Summary: After Jaime sleeps with Brienne, he becomes lost in his thoughts about Cersei.
Relationships: Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister
Comments: 18
Kudos: 22





	Wasted Times

* * *

_wasted times i spent with someone else._

* * *

  
Jaime lays on his back next to a soundly sleeping Brienne and he almost immediately begins to regret his decisions.  
  


* * *

_she wasn’t even half of you, reminiscing how you felt._

* * *

  
His mind wanders and it goes straight to Cersei, who had been the only woman that he ever slept with before now. It wasn’t that he couldn’t; it was that he never had any desire to sleep with anyone else. 

Even this time, it wasn’t some remarkable surge of passion or desire for Brienne herself. It was the desire to perform the act itself, to attempt to fully rid himself of Cersei, who he had decided that he was done with the moment he left King’s Landing because of how utterly angry he was with her.

Despite that burning anger, he can’t help but think about her and how this experience with Brienne didn’t even come close to matching up to how good things were with Cersei. He and Cersei’s relationship is wrong but it has always felt right. This, whatever this is with Brienne, is what feels wrong. 

And in truth, he feels as though he was unfaithful, that he has betrayed Cersei in some way by sleeping with Brienne. 

* * *

_and even though, you put my life through hell, i can’t seem to forget about you._

* * *

  
He tries to push those feelings away by reminding himself of how angry he is with Cersei for what she did, for everything she did. The lies, the deceit, the plotting behind his back with Euron Greyjoy, and the moment that she half-heartedly ordered the Mountain to kill him. 

He thinks that he was right to leave her after that, and he’s right now to try to move on with Brienne. 

However, a part of him knows just how futile that is.

* * *

_now i’m asking who do you belong to now? who you give that love to now?_

* * *

  
Inevitably, the thought occurs to Jaime that while he lays in bed next to Brienne, Cersei could be doing the same with someone else.

Euron, he thinks with bitterness. 

Jealousy rises within him as he imagines them together, and he hates Cersei all over again.   
  


* * *

_i ain’t got no business catching feelings anyway...  
_

* * *

  
Jaime realizes how unrealistic it is to think that he can truly move on with Brienne and commit to her when his feelings, his love for Cersei, is still very much alive and he will never truly be done with her.

He will never love Brienne in that way, or even at all, because his love for Cersei is far too all-encompassing and consuming. 

It was careless and selfish of him to sleep with Brienne knowing that he couldn’t truly be with her, knowing that he would eventually leave her.

But that’s who he is. Selfish. Careless. Reckless. That’s who Cersei is. That’s who they are and always will be.

Sometimes he desires to kill Cersei as much as he wants to kiss her, but he can’t live without her.

* * *

_i don’t wanna wake up if you ain’t laying next to me._

* * *

  
He remembers the last time he woke up next to Cersei.

They held hands as he watched her sleep so peacefully, which is a rare sight, and didn’t want her to stir or awaken. 

When she finally did, she leaned in to kiss him.

Though he didn’t want her to leave the bed just yet, he laid back on the bed, much like his position tonight, but in that moment, he was unexplainably happy. 

The memory makes his anger slowly dissipate.

He remembers that Cersei is pregnant and meant to publicly say he was the father. 

He feels a surge of hope at the thought that he could truly be a father to their child and they would raise it together this time. 

With that, he concludes that no matter what Cersei does, no matter how much she angers him, no matter what transpires between them, he would still rather be with her than anyone else in the world.

Nothing else matters. Only Cersei. 

**Author's Note:**

> Finally some angst! If you read my fics, you know I’m prone to fluff, and I guess this could be more angsty, but it’s something. I hate to publish an episode-specific fic after the season and show are over, but I remembered how the song reminded me of this situation and I was in a dark mood, so I just wrote it. I hope you enjoy it? Do listen to the song if you want.


End file.
